Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Fear, Hope and Everything In Between

My head's been in addiction land the last few days. Mulling over not only my own story but the story of others. Two books I've been reading In The Realm Of Hungry Ghosts and Love Sick have been fodder for my thoughts. Today I have 18+ months of abstinence from sexual addiction and almost a year of no binge eating. Some days both addictions nearly feel like a thing of the past and others they hound me, begging to be let back in. Fucking things.

Today I wrote an email and then followed up with a phone call to someone I was wanting to 'play nice' with instead of being honest and risking offending them. Fear is such a shitty motive for not being true to myself. One I don't want to live by so I wrote the email and then picked up the phone and said what needed to be said. No offense was taken, either. So there you go. Risk it.

Recently someone commented on the hope this post had given them: No Fear
That key fob is long gone. Dearest one recently bought me a silver one with the word hope engraved on it.
Which is what I keep doing, one foot in front of the other, day by day. This day.

7 comments:

Binge Eating Disorder said...

Congrats on being binge-free for about a year! It's hard to do and you should be very proud of yourself!

Heidi Renee said...

Fucking things indeed.

Proud of you dear friend - I remember those early days and you have come light years - light years!!

Just for today - the hope is here!

Black Pete said...

This is the day the Lord has made and we do with it what we can.

daisydreamer said...

Give us this day.

Anonymous said...

One day at a time, sweet Jesus......

Those books look good. I've been meaning to pick up another book by Dr. Maté called Hold On to Your Kids that someone at work had recommended. Now, I feel like getting them all.

Hope.... a word that allows me to breathe. That dearest one of yours is a pretty thoughtful guy, eh?

Mich

onionboy said...

It's two days later...hoping the fthings have left you alone or that you have won out over them. Congrats on the sobriety.

Hope said...

Sometimes the struggle is harder than at others O. Sometimes I'm just aware of it under the radar and at others it's nowhere on the map. Doing the radio documentary challenged my recovery though, really challenged it.