Melting The Invisible Shield

All I wanted to do this morning
was isolate.
Spend the day alone.
The kind of alone
that keeps others
far away from
my invisible shield.
Even though they are standing
right beside me.
The honeymoon
feels like
its over.
The treatment high
honeymoon.
This is such
fucking
hard
work.
A year ago I set myself a goal.
Go to this year's AA Round Up.
A whole weekend devoted
to sharing our
experience, strength and hope
with one another.
Good food.
Good fellowship.
Good.
Today was time to
meet that goal.
I didn't want to.
I told myself it was no more
scary than going to treatment
and look what happened
when I risked that.
So I forced myself to
shower
get dressed
drive to town.
I was doing
the next right thing
even though every fiber
in my body
was resisting.
Resisting like a horse
when you tug on its
bridle and it digs
in its heels
and stands firm.
Only this kind of firm
is so very dangerous.
And so I went.
Tonight I feel
grateful
for another day done
where I can
thank God
for another
24 hours sober
and
in recovery.
Real recovery.
Moving forward.
Giddy up and go.