Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Sorting and Dealing

Yesterday I took my graced confetti post to my session with Fr. Charlie. Two hours later I had some direction after lots of conversation, some tears and some prayer. What I took away most from the session was that Fr. Charlie told me I needed to go buy a full length mirror. He said if I was wanting wholeness I needed to learn how to accept all of me, and that included my body as it is right now. He said that wholeness was impossible while I was putting myself into safe categories of what to accept and what to reject.

Had I known he was going to tell me to buy a mirror I would have left the post at home. But after my initial 'no fucking way' knee jerk response in my head I considered what he had to say. Fr. Charlie's not pushy. I could decide to never buy a full length mirror and he'd never mention it again. He trusts God to do God's work in me in God's time. Which makes it all the easier to actually condsider Fr. Charlie's advice. Accepting my body (ok, with clothes on it's doable, naked it ain't) isn't within my comfort zone. It felt like an act of faith to come home and put a mirror on my shopping list.

Then this morning I read this comment left by jim(who is my brother in the Lord but his comments always make me feel like he is looking out for me like a father does for a daughter):
"Hope...Go to here and read what is a long entry for Kdip, an article written by anonymous, and possibly one you may have encountered before. Volumes of truth, though, and would speak to you if you haven't."

It is well worth the read. This is the paragraph that brought tears to my eyes:
" You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come charging over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that happily ever after is a process that begins with acceptance of what you cannot control so you can sort through and deal with the rest. A deep sense of serenity is born of this acceptance." (emphasis added)

Sounds like the serenity prayer, doesn't it?

God, grant me the grace to sort through and deal with the rest.


Anonymous said...

I went to the site that Jim recommended, as well. I also found it to be well worth the read and, it just so happens, to be pretty much in sink with what I've been doing big battle with of late. In fact, I posted the address on the Manning site because I thought it could be encouraging to someone else.

"It felt like an act of faith to come home and put a mirror on my shopping list." You made me smile. Ruthless trust, eh?


onionboy said...

In that post you wrote: "I realized the disgust I felt about my body had been superseded by how beautiful I felt in my spirit"

and I pray that the beauty you see in your spirit will transform how you see your whole self.

bobbie said...

"He trusts God to do God's work in me in God's time." wow - because you had emailed about the rest you know my reaction to that - but this line just smacked me...

i don't do that with my husband. i don't trust god to do his work in his time with liam. psfd...

i'm so glad you're getting a mirror hope - and i pray you come to love everything about you exactly as you are.

daisymarie said...

You make me smile and wince all at the the same time! (giggle)
One of my fav quotes is: The best way to lose sight is to not look. Mirrors can keep us honest. So can scales and I've been putting off going to buy one...guess I'll be making a run to Walmart today...


Jim said...

It's alright, Hope, to never fully like who we are. It's alright that we will never reach a place where everybody else doesn't think we meet their particular standard. It keeps us honest and looking to Him. He, in turn, receives AS we are and encourages us in the journey as we go......

Gayle's Joy In Life said...

Hi Hope,
I found you through Michael's Ripple and couldn't resist commenting on this post. I have been struggling with body acceptance for sooo long. The longer and harder the struggle the worse my body looked. I have the very body I feared and hated and have beed depressed by it for a long time.

I recently began reading a book entitled 'The Power of Now' which basically asks the we short-circuit our brains and stop thinking. I know it sounds odd, but the premise is that it is our thinking that gets us in trouble. All the worry, fear and shame turned me around until I was literally disconnected from my body.

Today (about 3 weeks into this book) I have effortlessly taken off five pounds. I am learning to look at my naked body without judgment and some mornings with Love. Love for the rolls of fat, for the muscle underneath, for the ability to see, walk, laugh, sing and dance, for the gifts of pleasure and physical Life I enjoy, for perfectly housing this Spirit which is finally in charge of my Life.

Now, I don't mean you should do what I'm doing, I just wanted to share my path.

Anyway, here's to buying the mirror, standing naked before it and feeling Love. If all things are of God that would include your miraculous body.

Peace to you,