Friday, October 13, 2006

Strong Yet Broken

I thoroughly enjoyed your ideas of what 'symbol of self' I should bring with me tonight to my Lay Formation course. Thank you for putting the time and energy into answering that question for me. I did think of bringing my silly putty or my little silver square medallion with the word Hope engraved on it. But in the end I chose this rock you see. Rocks are strong. When this rock is put together you can still see the cracks in it. So as much as I sometimes like to think I have it all together, the cracks remind me to let the Light in. This week I visited the Sacred Space website for the first time and the day's Scripture reading was about the good Samaritan.
I've been trying to keep God at a distance for a while now. When I feel insecure and want some semblance of control in my life I tend to stop talking to God - God is often too unpredictable and I get scared to risk the conversation because it often wrecks my effort to keep the distance and also wrecks any illusion I have of being in control.
I was reading the verses about the good Samaritan when into my head came this image of Christ being the good Samaritan and it was I who was lying on the road in need of tending. I watched as Christ knelt and tended to my wounds with the utmost tenderness and care. I may be trying to keep God at a distance but this image reminded me to do so is always a one sided endeavor. I could hardly bear it and I tried to shut the image out. "But I'm trying to keep you at a distance. I can hardly bear the tenderness of Your love." I wish I could write that the whole experience reduced me to tears and that my walls were broken down. For now I am keeping this image in my heart until, well, until I give up the fight and accept the care Christ keeps pouring out no matter how much I struggle.

With all of that happening it is harder for me to let this rock fall apart because when I do, I am reminded that it is not only okay to be broken, but that the journey is also about hope, healing and restoration. The line
"You're worth more broken."
from Broken For you reverberates within me.

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