This morning I sat in my chair and watched the tall poplar trees sway in the wind. Invisible hoola hoops swung around their nonexistent hips as their tops circled in the sky. I envied their freedom to sway in rhythm with their Creator. I so want to know what that kind of freedom feels like.
I found myself doing anything but face writing out my step 4 today. Restless and in avoidance mode I worked hard to keep from sitting back down in my chair and doing the serious work of looking inward and exposing my demons. After a nap and a shower I finally settled down to write. The worst of me made its way onto the page first. Like a little kid playing hopscotch I made my way from one end of myself to another. It didn't take long until a theme popped up. All my defects of character kept pointing to just one thing. The motivation behind my behaviour is to feel safe at all costs. Fear and the need to be in control rule my life. They are my own invisible hoola hoops I keep swaying in the air. The energy it takes to keep them afloat affects every relationship I have. I was so tempted to start writing over and make myself look better. Praying for the courage to be honest I continued on. I know, I just know that there is another invisible hoola hoop circling me. It's called Love. God keeps it in the air with no help from me but desires for me to embrace its healing rhythm so that the hoops of my own making can fall away and be stilled.