Monday, August 23, 2010

Walking Blindly

Memories are such a weird thing.
The other day I was folding laundry.
A harmless task, right?
Just as I brought the edges of a towel together
into my mind popped a conversation I'd had
with a married couple many years ago.
In it I was as graceless as can be
while trying to point out a flaw in their religion.
I was so proud of myself at the time
for putting them in their place.
Dearest one and I were never invited to their house again.

I stood there with the towel in my hands, full of remorse.
Because it wasn't until that moment I realized how unkind I had been.
Often that little bit in the Big Book that talks about being quick to see where religious people are right pops into my head.
Sometimes I want to beat people over the head with that sentence
because I am one of those religious people.
It's okay, I don't see that term as a swear word.
But I understand that many people do.
Probably because they encountered someone like me
behaving like I did on that day many years ago.

But what struck me most about that memory
was how right I felt in the moment.
Shouldn't they thank me for enlightening them?
I truly thought they should.
Totally blind I was.
Totally blind.

I have a little sticky note I sometimes
paste to my computer screen at work.
It says, impulse ------- action.
When I see it I hope to remember
the gap between the two,
especially when it comes to opening my mouth.

Photo Credit


Anonymous said...

For some reason half way through your post the song "Amazing Grace" started running through my head. Thank God for Amazing Grace, Hope.

Black Pete said...

"Reflex", the missing word in the gap between, can be such a problem, eh?

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Wow, you know I have had similar events happen to me doing tasks at home or at work, have a very vivid memory of things I have said or done with or toward's embarrassing for me now, I work harder on the steps and I like the image you gave between impulse and action...thank you.

Prayer Girl said...

What a fabulous post. As for those painful memories of our glaring character defects - thank God we have a program that allows us to discover them, get right with God and our fellow human beings AND change.

I try to fill the gap between impulse and action with a zippered lip till I can reason out what I want to say or do.


Andrew said...

That same thing has been happening a lot with me lately. A fellow from my home town put up a page on face book and all the pics of old friends and foes brought out so many memories of past indiscretions.

And of course some finer memories, the thing being I so focus on the ones that hurt.

Dianne said...

Thank you, Hope, I was just having an impulse to avoid critical work I rarely bring home, and your comments struck home.