Wednesday, August 29, 2012

No Shortcuts

I somewhere along this journey found a backbone. I am saying things to people I used to just think in my head. I feel more authentically myself. You know, that way of being that needs no apology and you know the other person recognizes you're speaking your truth? It doesn't even feel scary. And I don't feel like a bitch, either. Or unkind. Just speaking from my heart. Who knew it was possible?

And at the same time I am quieter than I was before.

What a paradox.

Then there's the angrier, weepier bit, too. That feels shitty. I told someone this week that I am trying to honour my journey through this instead of skirting around it. It's much harder to do. Short cuts will come back to bite me in the butt so I won't go there as much as I sometimes wish I didn't know that there are no lasting short cuts on the journey.

5 comments:

Lisa said...

This post made me smile and nod and think of all the parts of my journey that have left me with these sorts of paradoxes. And it made me send up a few prayers on your behalf too.

(And as a total aside, your first line about getting a backbone made me giggle and think of a quote I read somewhere that went something like "My problem is that I've been wearing a wishbone where my backbone is supposed to be." )

Hugs to you, friend.

Mary Christine said...

What a journey you are on!

Black Pete said...

Hey, you're into the jungle, kiddo. Lions and tigers and shadows, oh my! But you'll make it. Good stuff!

annie said...

Ah, you are moving!

Rebekah Grace said...

Came here via the Internet Monk. Read two posts, love you already! Thank you for your honesty!