Thursday, June 17, 2010

Flippin'

"Is having a drink going to change anything or will it all still be the same tomorrow when I wake up?"
That was the question I asked myself in a dream last night.

I can't remember the last time I had a drinking dream but in this one I had 20 containers that looked like miniature oil lamp vials you see in restaurant center pieces. They were filled with vodka which I have no idea how it tastes. Once my sister and I found my mom's vodka stash under her bathroom sink and poured most of it down the drain and filled the bottle back up with water. I bet that pissed her off the next time she took a drink. It may be why vodka held no interest for me.

There was no one in my dream who cared I was going to blow my sobriety except me.
And once that question at the top of this post went through my head I put the vodka down without taking a sip, and shoved the tray away that held all the rest, too.

Dreams are so weird.

*********

It is beautiful and sunny here today.
I am looking forward to mowing grass and doing some writing.
My instructor says my novel has great potential to be saleable.
I am loving and hating writing it
as it has taken on a life of its own
that I feel I have no control over.
It's totally pointless to tell a character
"Hey, get back over here right now and do as I say!"
My main character may be living in 1912
but she still knows how to flip me the bird.

***********

By the end of the summer all my adult children will most likely
be living in towns far away. I feel sad about that although I
am happy they are making their own lives and are functioning
as fully independent adults. I never realized that was the goal
while I was raising them. Not kidding. It didn't occur to me.

I am grateful that I have learned that life after kids means
living my own life to the fullest.
I didn't manage to learn that until after they were grown.
Bafore that I was too busy telling them
to get back over here right now and do as I say.

There was a point when it would have served us both well
if they would have flipped me the bird.
It took me until I was 38 years old
to individuate from my mother.
I am grateful they have started that journey
far sooner than I did.

8 comments:

daisymarie said...

Salable is so awesome! What wonderful news. The other day I was playing with Asher and he threw me one of his "stuffies" (what he calls stuffed animals)--it was a pelican. He tossed it at me when I wasn't ready and I told him to not flip me the bird. Then he stood there and looked at me like I'd lost it while I laughed my head off and he had no clue.

Black Pete said...

Them characters sure have the capacity to surprise, don't they?

Heidi Renee said...

that is great news Hope!

Daisy said...

Hope, I'm excited about your novel! I get the love/hate process thing. Flippin' the bird! That's great.

"I feel sad about that although I
am happy they are making their own lives and are functioning
as fully independent adults. I never realized that was the goal
while I was raising them."

ditto.

"It took me until I was 38 years old
to individuate from my mother.'

and ditto...

Mich

Enchanted Oak said...

Hope, there is so much here that is rich for you. The novel...learning that it has potential when you probably thought it was a lost cause...the children grown and taking flight...realizing that drinking holds no joy for you.
I'm happy for your life.

Erin Wilson said...

"There was no one in my dream who cared I was going to blow my sobriety except me.

And once that question at the top of this post went through my head I put the vodka down without taking a sip, and shoved the tray away that held all the rest, too."

:) This is the loveliest confirmation of your sobriety. That even if no one else cared you would still do it for yourself. So nice that your subconscious mind would send your conscious one a postcard like that :)

steveroni said...

Hope, thank you for your WELCOME visit to steveroni.

And about the drinking dream...oh my I guess everyone has them--but when ever I did--I DID end up dream-drinking. I remember once I was so ashamed to EVER go back to an AA meeting

Peeps kept telling me it was a DREAM, but I was just not sure--it seems always so REAL!

I am glad you did not drink...even in your dreams!

Marla said...

What a good post. I can relate to so much of what you write. I, for one, eagerly await your book to be published.