Monday, May 31, 2010

Getting Outside Of Myself

I'm too lazy to write in paragraphs tonight.
Bullet points will have to do.
Which is interesting if I take that phrase literally.
I tend to take things very literally.
I am not great with nuances although I am improving.

Anyway, I hate bullets, guns and such.
A few weeks ago youngest son managed to get me
to hold his shot gun for a brief moment.
He took a picture.
I threatened him with a gigantic amount of trouble
if he posted the photo on FB.
So far he has resisted the urge to do so.
Smart young man.

I wrote a bit about my story here and here.
I feel vulnerable posting those links for you.
I got a wake up call as to how big my ego is
by my private little pity party
about not getting many comments
in response to what I wrote.
I had dashed off the posts in 10 minutes
and let go of polishing them up at all.
I thought I was killing my ego by doing that
or some such heroic thing.
Not too long afterwards
I wanted to polish and polish them to bits.
I didn't.
Being upset because you think no one is noticing you
has got to be the same sickness
as being upset because you think everyone is talking about you.
The only redeeming thing I can think of about that is that I recognize it.

I had the opportunity to make a 12 step call this morning.
That was the best part of my day.
It got me out of myself in a real hurry.
I will be saying a little prayer for her
as I go to sleep tonight.
And again in the morning.
The call came at work.
I was shocked to hear her voice message.
I never take 12 step calls at work
because the public can open the door
and ask for my help at any moment.
Not to mention coworkers.

But dearest one said she sounded desperate
so he gave her my work number.
Mercifully my coworkers were around the corner
and in another room.
They stayed there for a good long time.
No one from the public showed up either.
In other words, it was perfect timing.
God's timing.


Daisy said...

Amazing about that 12-step call timing.

You always make me smile, for several reasons, one of which is your ability to say what most of us only think. Another is to say what some of us never thought of.


Andrew said...

Yes, you can't beat God's timing.

Thank you for the links to your story. You are very brave in putting it out there.

Black Pete said...

Good old Kairos. And the battery never runs out on it, either...

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

Awesome! courage and the spirit reflect so much in this post, and the links within! :)

Much love and many blessings to you!

Nana Jo said...

It takes a huge amount of courage to be authentic; to accept the painful failures of our personal histories, to value ourselves when our lives have been torn by painful destruction, and to heal and grow out of our wounds. Timing is everything ... thank you for sharing.

Melissa said...

Of course it was perfect timing. For her, yes, but also figuratively, for you, since it took you out of yourself.

I read your stories and I appreciated them. And I understand wanting the comments even though you're aware you shouldn't (though don't let that give you the impression I feel that way on my current person blog - I don't). But it ain't easy for us insecure egomaniacs, eh? That's what my dad used to call it...