Friday, March 05, 2010

Outrunning The Fear

My dreams were filled with fear last night.
Tornadoes being the biggest one.

Over 20 years ago I was driving with the kids - all preschoolers then - when it started to rain so hard that I could hardly see out the windshield. I turned on the radio to hear a tornado warning for the exact spot I was on the highway. That's when I saw this huge black cloud coming towards us. It was raining so hard I had to press my face inches from the windshield as I drove, trying to out drive the tornado. My fear in my dream last night was worse than the fear I felt that day in real life.

In my dream I called a new friend who spouted off Bible verses to me as a means of comfort. They were of no comfort because there was a frigging tornado coming at me,ya know? In real life 20 some years ago I was a new Christian and I told my kids to pray as we drove while I prayed out loud. We made it home, the tornado, when it reached our town, split in two and went in two different directions. At the time I was quite ready to take the credit for that happening. Lord, have mercy.

In my dream my overwhelming fear came from dearest one and I living in a house trailer (in real life we do)and it offers zilch protection from tornadoes. There was nowhere to be safe. I was setting to hang on for the ride and see where I would end up.

Which is just like some days in real life.

7 comments:

Steve E said...

WHAT a stupendously written comparison!!! And a story to be told and re-told, the real, and the dream--AND the punch line. Real Life. Hmmmmmm!

Pru said...

I remember that tornado. I wasn't afraid then, and have never been afraid of them in person since either. I tend not to be afraid of things I can't control...but only when they're right in front of me and I see how big they are and how ridiculously tiny I am. Before I see that I fret like a champion.

I dreamt dreams of fear last night too. Darkness, and no matter how hard I prayed I couldn't get the light of God to shine on through. The darkness was fighting for me real hard and I was fighting back with nothing but the most fearful, terrified determination I've ever felt.

It was horrible but at the end I realized I wasn't alone, S was there with me, and everything was okay. And then I apologized to God for finding comfort in my fellow man instead of only in Him. :P

Prayer Girl said...

Love you Hope. This was a wonderful post. I treasure it.

PG

Enchanted Oak said...

Life is a house trailer and fear is a tornado. I feel for your dream, Hope. Life is precarious and there is no guarantee of safety here. I take comfort, oddly enough (considering your dream friend's advice), in the Psalm passage: I will lie down and sleep in peace, for Thou alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Daisy said...

Noticed Pru's comment about having fear dreams the night before as well and just remembered a conversation with my sister who told me that she as well as my mom had scary troubling dreams the night before last (Thursday night) as well. Hmmm....something going around?

Mich

Gabriella Moonlight said...

This is powerful and courageous fear and our repsonses to it. Thank you for your post and for sharing this, it's powerful, it's meaningful to me. Everytime you post I always feel that I'm learning and growing. Thank you.

Susan Unger said...

I have had numerous tornado dreams and trying to flee or stay safe from them. Some dreams had many of them all around me. Those feelings came back hearing about yours. For some reason the tornado dreams are long lasting.