I'm too tired to do much more than say hi.
Dearest one fell on the icy steps two nights ago and landed on his car key which dug into his hand an inch. I would never make a nurse as I just about puked when he showed me the hole it left. He, being in the health care field, took care of it himself because he could. He calmly told me step by step what they would do in ER and did it himself. It must be a guy thing that he thought to himself, while he was yet outside, that he should leave the key in his hand so I could see what it looked like. (It looked cool, don't you know) Then he thought about how he was still in shock and it wouldn't hurt to take the key out unless he left it long enough to get back to the house to show me. I am glad he pulled it out before he came back inside. He was in some kind of pain I tell you. Not fun.
Then, yesterday morning on the way to work, dearest one started showing classic symptoms of having a heart attack. He spent 10 hours being monitored in ER. Good news is it wasn't a heart attack. They have booked him for some tests to see if they can figure out what made his heart go so wonky. At one point during the day I told God it sure would be nice if I saw someone I knew.
A few hours later I went to the gift shop and someone from the fellowship was just leaving it. We stopped and talked, then she gave me a hug and said she would pray. It was a very comforting moment. I told her I knew the only thing I was in control of was my attitude about my reality. I would not know that without hearing it reinforced in a hundred different ways and stories in meetings and then getting chances again and again to experience the truth of it in simple every day situations (like my reaction the idiot driver in front of me) and in situations much more serious (like the possibility that my spouse is having a heart attack). I am grateful that yesterday I was graced with the ability to be calm. I wouldn't have judged myself either had I fallen apart. We are humans, after all, not saints.
We were the fortunate ones yesterday.
Dearest one walked out of the ER on his own steam.
We were right across from the nurse's station for the whole 10 hours and we heard and saw a lot of life happening before us. Prisoners in leg chains, elderly people being checked out after a fall. People in tears, worried about a loved one. People under incredible stress.
From time to time I clean out the billfold part of my wallet. You know those debit slips and receipts that pile up from time to time (another gift in itself because it means I had the means to buy what I needed.) There is only one piece of paper that I always put back in and that is my AA meeting card which is scribbled full of numbers. I knew yesterday that had I felt I needed in person support, if things had gone south in a hurry, I could have called someone and had them come sit with me. That was a great comfort, too.
Hug your loved ones extra tonight. I snuggled up to dearest one's back last night, slipped my arm between his arm and his chest and pulled him close to me. I kissed him between the shoulder blades like I always do, grateful to have him by my side.