Sunday, September 20, 2009

Mental Gymnastics

It's been a good weekend.
I've never been to an AA Assembly before.
I kept tearing up
when I looked around the room
at several hundred fellow alcoholics;
feeling overwhelmed with gratitude
for my sobriety and theirs.

I feel somewhat embarrassed to admit
that I also kept tearing up during elections.
I kept sensing that there was Something much bigger
at work than any of us and that was humbling.

It is a wonderful experience to hear the Serenity Prayer
said in unison in such a large group.

I also sat there and periodically thought
about whether or not I'd like these people
if we were all drunk.
Some I would probably like more
and some less, no doubt.
Some I could not picture drunk.
They did not fit my stereotype.

In treatment we were given an assignment
about what stereotype we had of an alcoholic.
The stereotype we kept alive
so that we didn't have to face
that we had a drinking problem of our own.

One of mine was that because I wasn't
in the neighbourhood bar
getting pissed with the neighbours
and going home with them
I didn't have a drinking problem.
Somehow I thought getting pissed at a bush party
and leaving a 2 year old and newborn in the car
was normal,
just don't get pissed in the bar
and sleep with the neighbours.
The mental gymnastics one does, eh?
Absolute insanity.

Thank God there is a solution.


Prayer Girl said...

I have felt as you describe - tearing up when looking around a room with so many other alcoholics.

I have also felt that way when looking around a packed church during mass when God somehow gets deep inside my spirit.

Glad this experience was a blessing for you.


Lou said...

It was interesting to read how your mind thought in those past times. Gives me some insight into the excuses.

Heidi Renee said...

thanks for the update, was thinking about you throughout the weekend - praying for your dr's apt. - hope your time is more rewarding than you think it might be. miss you!

Steve E. said...

Oh, I was an expert liar. I could talk (lie) myself--and you--into anything and/or everything any time, anywhere.

It was long into sobriety before I was weaned of lying, it was SO a part of me. Not having to lie any more, is such a relief, it simplifies life .


Tall Kay said...

I went to my first Area Assembly last Sunday too! I am always filled with awe at how this bunch of ex-problem drinkers ever get anything accomplished. I see God's fingerprints everywhere! It really is a miracle!

enchantedoak said...

The mind is a marvelous beast in the grips of insanity. For all the years of my drinking and drugging, I told myself various things: It was artistic to use alcohol and drugs to achieve that "elevated, liberated mind"; and then later, I just needed to self-medicate since I was such a tortured soul. The miracle is the moment of breakthrough, when we realize with the help of our Higher Power that we have a disease called alcoholism. So far, in my AA fellowship, I haven't run into anyone I would like to drink with. I like 'em sober, period. We're such more interesting people without a drink in us.

Beth said...

Wow. So beautifully written.

Thanks for a glimpse into the holiness of healing.

Still cheering for you, and grateful for all that you share.