"I can't remember the word."
I'm sitting in my therapist's office yesterday feeling brain dead. I sit there with my head in my heads trying to think of the word I want. Eventually it comes to me although my train of thought has lost its momentum.
I now know not to book a therapy appointment at the end of my three day stint of work. I am too tired to think straight. I just want to go home and put on my pjs and watch mindless TV. We agree to cut my session short. I rebook for a later on in the month, on a day when I don't work. I'll hopefully have more brain cells by then.
I leave her office and get in my car. It's in a scary part of town. I could walk out of my therapist's office and buy drugs, booze or sex. There are always people on the sidewalk across the street from my car watching. Some days that makes me feel scared. I park as close to her office door as possible. I always want to get in my car and lock the doors. I often feel bad that I want to do that in that part of town.
I don't know why I'm writing this other than to get it out of my head. Random thoughts on a morning when I can stay in my pjs as long as I want.
Anyway, I make a u turn right on the street and head off to buy groceries. My body hurts. Yog pup has a penchant for slippers. I can't remember where I put mine, most likely somewhere out of his reach. My slippers have my insoles in them that make my feet hurt less. I love how I feel in high heels at the start of the day. By the end of the day I think they are instruments of torture. I feel every step as I push the cart into the store. Halfway there I remember that perspective is everything. One thing I've been learning the past few years is that I can turn any statement of "I have to" into "I get to". I remember that not too many years ago we had no money to buy groceries. We were regular food bank users. In my neck of the woods that was 5 bags of groceries once a month. We had three teenagers to feed. I'm thinking all this as I head into the store and rephrase my "having to buy groceries" to "I get to buy groceries". It doesn't make my feet hurt any less but my attitude improves greatly.