"How can this be your will?" I screamed at the night sky last night when I was looking for little Yoga Pup.
It was a somber mood in the house after we'd spent several hours of looking. I hadn't even gotten dressed when I'd run out of the house to call and search for the little pug. Silk pjs, knee high winter clodhoppers and snow drifts make for interesting companions.
As I lay with my head on dearest one's shoudler last night I sobbed. I don't ever remember crying over a pet before. I always pushed the feeling way down deep. Safest that way. Sobbing is progress.
I chaired the noon AA meeting today. I really needed to talk. I'd spent the morning in a therapy session where tears flowed over other things. Our little meeting that used to have 5 people on a good day has grown. Today there were 18 of us around the table. We couldn't have stuffed many more people in the room. There was a newcomer and someone coming back. It was good to chair and have a reprieve from the tears. As we opened with the Serenity Prayer I silently acknowledged that a missing pug is something I cannot change. Damn.
At one point last night I prayed that if Yoga Pup was out there somewhere and we just hadn't found him, God could You please send an angel to keep him warm.
Angels must have wings of warmth.
This afternoon our neighbour was driving along and saw something black in the ditch a ways from the road. He phoned his wife and told her he thought it might be our missing little pug. She got in her van and drove to the spot and made her way through the deep snow and there was Yoga Pup safe and sound. He had spent the night in the cold and not a coyote got him nor anything else. Angels must have mighty big wings.
I'm on my way home now.
I will probably cry all over again when I see Yoga Pup.
Thanks for all your caring and prayers.
I am grateful.