That's how I feel tonight.
It's been a day of good connections.
Someone in AA reaching out a hand towards me
and me reaching out to another.
My friend Ron used to tell me
help is only a hand away.
If you read those three links
you'll see how our paths crossed.
How his suicide still haunts me.
Dearest one mentioned Ron the other day
and grief rose up without warning,
tears pricking my eyes.
It's been 10 years since the cops tossed the ziploc bag
that held his pack of smokes, a bloody thumb swipe
marring its outside, onto the counter.
I think of Ron when the phone feels too heavy
and I don't want to reach out a hand.
I didn't plan on writing about him tonight.
Ron never took me too seriously.
That used to piss me off royally.
The madder I got at him for that
the louder he laughed.
It's harder to take oneself seriously
when someone is laughing at you.
But I sure did try.