Well, I lasted until 9:30 or so last night and then went online.
It was either do that or have a cigarette.
Kidding. Kind of.
I've never been a smoker except sometimes when I drank.
Then I could smoke a pack in an evening.
This afternoon I did actually contemplate,
during Mass no less, having a smoke.
I never did have that clear-the-air conversation today
although I tried.
The other person asked me to hold off
until this morning.
So this morning it is.
I'm glad that God gives grace for the situation
not the imagination.
I'm pretty good at blowing things out of proportion.
Blowing things out of proportion takes a lot of energy.
I don't have any to waste on doing that.
Lord have mercy.
I head off to see Fr. Charlie after that conversation.
He's usually finishing up an after lunch
cigarette when I pull up for my session with him.
I thought of phoning him this morning
and asking him to save me a drag or two.
Yah, yah. He smokes.
Don't let that change how you see him.
Sometimes people give him cigarettes as a gift.
Once someone gave him a pack that was too strong.
He tossed it to me to give to youngest son
and said to wish him Happy Easter, or Merry Christmas, or Happy Birthday
while I was at it. I don't remember the occasion.
Youngest son was right pleased with the gift.
All his growing up years we went to a church where drinking, smoking and
premarital sex were the worst sins in the book.
They were the measuring stick by which others could tell
how much you did or didn't loved Jesus.
So it was rather ironic to have a pastor give him a pack of smokes
and wish him well, to boot.
Oh, the pissing contests we have in places
where you can't say the word 'piss' outloud.
I've done it myself many, many times.
Just not standing up.
I've been feeling a bit heart sick lately.
Got a pile of tears bottled up good and tight.
They just about spilled over today at church.
Right when we were gathered around the altar,
and saying the Lord's prayer.
There was a little crack in my shield for a moment
and the tears were right ready to have their say.
I know I need a good cry way more
than I'll ever need a cigarette.
Even if it's free.