Monday, December 08, 2008

Pre Kindergarten

It's my blog anniversary today.
In blog years I'm in pre-kindergarten.
As a 4 year old there is hope for me yet.
That is good, good news.

I'd have to say that writing these posts
has been life changing.
Seriously.
That's not an exageration.
Damn. I can't figure out how to spell that word.
I feel cross eyed when I look at it.
But I do try not to live it.
Spell check has no suggestions for me, either.
Which means I've spelled it wrong by a long shot.
Exxagerate?
Exagerrate?
Good grief.
Exaggeration.
Now that looks plainly stupid.
But it's right.

Isn't that just like life sometimes?
Looks plainly stupid.
Feels plainly stupid.
Because of a warped sense of reality
and a good dose of denial
doing something a different way
looks ridiculous sometimes.
But notice I can spell
reality
and
denial.
There is hope for me yet.

Anyway, writing these posts
has been life changing
because it's freed me to look at myself.
Freed me to ask for help.
Freed me to get some help.
To grow and change in ways
I never could've predicted.
And that's a good thing.

Some of you have been with me from the beginning.
Through thick and thin.
Ha. Thicker me and thinner me.
Seriously. Thicker and thinner me means diddly squat
in the whole scope of life.
There's been some pretty sick shit on this blog at times,though.
And swear words, too.
Although I'm trying to stop using them so much.
I heard at a Round Up this past Fall that
as sober alcoholics we don't need to talk like that anymore.
Cover your ears fellow pre-kindergarteners because
I instantly had the urge to say 'fuck' over and over and over again.
Instead I pondered whether I was capable of swearing less.
I decided I wanted to try.

I think I love the word hope more than ever.
I have more of it now than I did 4 years ago.
I'm so glad hope is not a swear word.
May it continue to grow in us all.

11 comments:

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Happy blog birthday! If you're a blog preschooler, I'm a blog toddler. :)

wilsonian said...

Happy Anniversary, Hope!
I totally understand the life-changing aspect of blogging... it's been the same experience for me.

Glad to journey beside you :)

Anonymous said...

AMen, my dear. And Happy 4th!! I am very grateful for your writings.

Mich

Christy said...

I'm glad the blog has been cathartic for you!

I feel the same.

(I also curse alot.....that's not good.....)

Pam said...

Happy 4 years!
That is awesome.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Oh thank you soooooo much for this amazing post...I congratulate you on the fourth year of your bloggy journey and I so understand the importance of blogging and sharing...I am so grateful I found you.

PS: I try to cuss less, but sometimes my days just don't warrant a "monsterfarmer" word. LOL!

Hugs, G~*

Cat said...

Happy number 4 to you!!!!

Lou said...

If you are pre kindergarten, then I'm in the uterus;)

Owen said...

A blessed 4 to you.

mile191 said...

i am just in the beginning of my journey to heal.. thank you for being there with me. i realize as you wrote this that there is so much HOPE, yes, there it is. HOPE to HEAL.. thank you for sharing, and for inspiring me to continue in my journey.

i had no idea this was out here, the help. you will be one of my people that has been with me from the beginning of this journey.

this acknowledgement of the time passed in yours gives me HOPE.

thanks ♥

Hope said...

Thank you for all the well wishes. I'm happy to be a pre-kindergartener today.