Saturday, December 08, 2007

You Can Look Back But Don't Stare

Today's title comes as a direct quote from my addictions counselor.

Three years ago today I created this blog. If you've ever wondered how I came up with my blog name you can read about it here. I started the blog to prove to myself that I could show up and write. At the time I read two different blogs and had no idea there was an abundance of blogs out there. I don't remember how I came across your blog, do you remember how you found mine?

What a lot of life in the past three years has made its way to these pages. You have been a big part of my recovery journey. In a few days I will celebrate 6 months of abstinence from binge eating, and 13 months abstinence from sexual addiction. Your prayers, encouragement and acceptance have helped me along the way.

The post that got the most comments (when I used haloscan) was when I came clean about my struggle with sexual addiction. I had many relapses before I was able to get more than a few months of abstinence behind me. By the grace of God today is day number 388. You held me up in prayer when I went to treatment this past summer. 19 years of being on a dry drunk came to an end with my reaching out and asking for help.

You supported me as I struggled to learn how to manage my spoon supply. I still marvel that spoon counting is not the driving force in my days now although as life would have it, today is one where I have very few. I've progressed from being able to walk to the end of the driveway and back (and that on a good day) to walking 7 to 10 miles a week. I thank God every single day I can go for a walk. The ability to do so still makes me giddy with joy.

You've listened as I've processed sessions of spiritual direction with Fr. Charlie. You've often left comments or written emails that have spoken to the deepest parts of me. Ones that have evoked everything from tears to laughter and deep reflection.

You've walked with me as I navigated an empty nest and the challenge of having adult children. You've journeyed with me as dearest one and I continue to make our way through married life together. We are ever growing and changing in our relationship.

All this to say thank you.
Thank you for reading
and commenting
and walking beside me.
I am richer for it.


ddw said...

You are so very welcome, Hope. God is a God of real miracles - from the things you see and hear on your beloved walks, to the miraculous path you have walked in our company.

May God continue to bless you and keep you. Love, ddw

annie said...

Thank you, Hope. I don't remember how I found you. I know it was at the time when I was first beginning to face my son's addictions. Many times I read your stories and had my spirit lifted with the prospect of hope for him. Watching your journey has been both a blessing and an inspiration.

wilsonian said...

You've given far more than you've received, lovely Hope.

Thank you :)

Jim said...

What a great testimony, ma'am! I don't recall how I found this site, but am sure it had to be via an encounter on someone else's blog. At any rate, it's been good travelling with you, good to see God at work. A little early, I suppose, but may I wish you and yours a merry Christmas. I still can't imagine living in the midst of all that ice and snow...

Jackie said...

It's been so great getting to "know" you!

fyi, I found you through HeyJules back when she was still "Faith or Fiction". I think you found me because I left you a comment.

Anonymous said...

(((((Hope))))) I found your blog through the Manning site, a find for which I am ever grateful. Wow, three years; that's really wonderful.

Sue said...

Thank you because you've blessed me too!

Poor Mad Peter said...


onionboy said...

Peace be with you.

O {arts & fath} {faith & art}

daisymarie said...

Thanks for letting me journey with you.

Mary Poppins NOT said...

I disticntly remember when I found your blog. I don't remember which other blog I started from when I followed the link, but the name of your blog intrigued me. Then, I read about your spoon counting, and although I don't have any illness, at that time I had 7 children under 10 years old, and I could relate completely. Then I just kept reading and I saw myself all over the place. I still do. I haven't had struggles with addictions, but the roots of them are all there, baby. You have inspired me to be real and honest, and just live and let live. I have stopped getting my personal gratification from how others see my children because of you. THis has saved them from that very large and heavy burden, and helped me see them as THEM, not extensions of me. That is all from you. There is more, but for now let me say I am so grateful for your presence here, for your help and kindness and understanding. Many blessings to you and all yours. I long for the day that I can call my husband "dearest one" and mean it with all my heart. I believe it will happen. You have given me HOPE!

~m2~ said...

thank you, hope -- you are one of my first visits, one of my first connections i made through blogging.

i still have that little something to send you. i am remiss -- should have been sent 4 months ago, but it is an odd shape and i need the right box. and now, your address again since my old computer crashed and it was stored in my email.


i am glad to walk alongside you. it is my honor to have you walk with me, as well.


M. Nole said...


I just wanted to say that I am VERY new to your blog, and it has already helped me spiritually. I can only do spiritual reading online due to neck pain (I can't bend it to read books), so please know how much the entries of yours that I've read have meant to me.

Pru said...

I was introduced to your blog by you.

It was, and is, an honour to be trusted with this part of you.

I love you very much.

Anonymous said...

What pru said...


Captain said...

Thank YOU, indeed! It's a privilege and an honor to be a small part in the tapestry of your support!
How I found your blog? I'm not sure but I'm thinking it was from another blog who's name I don't remember exactly Bobby Anonymous comes to mind.... does that ring a bell? That was a long time.
Congratulations on 388 days! that's really something! Grace and Gift!