Saturday, June 30, 2007

Bona Fide Coping Mechanisms

It's Saturday night and the house is quiet. Dearest one is working a night shift and youngest son is off with his brother doing stuff I'd rather not know about. Both boys like to tease me about their shenanigans. I'd rather be blissfully unaware. There's a fireworks display in town tonight and I'm sure one or two beer will be in the mix. I'm glad I'm on a need to know basis and that I don't need to know the rest.

Sometimes I look at them and think "Okay, when I was your age I was married and when I was your age I was a mother." Often I feel all smug about that as if marriage and motherhood were a mark of maturity. The rest of the time I remember that I'm still waiting to be a bona fide grown up. I thought when I began sprouting white mustache hairs I would qualify, you know? Except I didn't anticipate sprouting mustache hairs of any kind. Never mind chin hairs. Yikes. It ain't a pretty sight.

All of the above is really a side trip. Reality is it's Saturday night and I'm alone and I don't do alone very well anymore. Seven and a half months of abstinence from sexual addiction tonight and 17 days of no bingeing. The gaping hole left in the wake of no coping mechanisms feels like a chasm of gigantic proportions tonight.

I typed that sentence several hours ago. As I typed it I realized I do have coping mechanisms. I stopped typing and phoned my sponsor. We live 50 kms apart yet she decided instead of having a gab fest on the phone she would come over for coffee. What a blessing. I can do this. I can. I just can't do it alone.

4 comments:

Tess said...

Thanks for your honesty in describing this, and as you say, what a blessing. Both for the presence of your sponsor and for realising your coping mechnisms (other than the ones that pull you down).
(And the chin hairs? A magnifying mirror and a really good quality pair of tweezers regularly once a week in total privacy are my recommendation...)

beth said...

Amen. Three cheers for your good choice!

onionboy said...

Yes, I add my belated amen.

O ::thrive luminousmiseries || onionboy.ca

lisalgreer said...

Have you tried or do you do Radiant Recovery? I am a bonafide sugar addict, and it is working miracles in my life...