Sunday, January 28, 2007
I don't know many women in AA. I'm the only woman who regularly attends my home group so yesterday it was a treat to have the women and men equally represented (6 of each!) There was such honest, beautiful sharing that I came away full of gratitude to be counted as one among them. I learn more about myself and my journey in an AA meeting than I ever do from a sermon. As I walked to my van afterwards I wished that my experience of church over the years mirrored what went on in that room. To hear people laugh with you as you admit your screw ups makes it so much easier to admit them. And they laugh because they know all too well that whatever you admit is part of their story too. No one pretends to be distanced from their humanity. It gives me hope that I can carry that honesty into all of my life. Hope that I can learn to simply be me, without apology, even when I'm in the midst of people who might judge me for it. When I meet people in AA who have learned to do that it gives me hope for myself. Every meeting I seem to learn a bit more about what is mine to carry and what isn't. I'm continually humbled and amazed at what isn't mine to carry. No wonder putting one foot in front of the other has seemed so difficult for me at times. I've been trying to carry my whole world on my back.