Thursday, May 11, 2006

Terrifically Hard Work

Learning to trust feels scary and wonderful. Soothing. Good. A miracle. It doesn't seem to matter just what issues rise in my life, God is there to meet me in them. They are healed in stages, most are still unhealed. I am simply thankful for progress.

Of course the next time an issue raises its ugly head I will recoil and think, "Oh shit" and want to run fast down that oft worn path called denial. The energy it takes to resist dealing with what is often feels safer than the energy it takes to accept reality.

The more I face life head on, the better it gets. How weird is that? Peeling away layers and being known by God, letting the pain rise to the surface and sitting with it, puts me in a better heart space than all the wrestling I do to avoid it. It is terrifically hard work. I can hardly believe the continuous inner diaglogue necessary to challenge the lies I have long accepted as fact. Thank God life is not a solo experience.

Oh, this all sounds so wonderfully sappy and far from reality. I have a strong aversion to sappy thoughts. They make the resident cynic within wake up and spout off. But this morning I feel like I am suspended in air and there are little multi coloured lights dancing all around me. So for today I'll take sappy over cynical.

No comments: