Sunday, February 19, 2006

Laughing Hope, Crying Hope, Human Hope

Today at Mass I was telling Jesus what a mess of a human being I am. And you know what kind of response I got? In my head came this picture of Jesus throwing back his head and roaring with laughter. My God, when will I ever stop thinking that being human is something that surprises our Lord?!

On the way home this afternoon from a baby shower I was a bit discouraged. I realized that I have been isolating myself somewhat and if I wait for people to come see me I am going to be waiting a long time. At the shower I made tentative plans to go have tea with an old, old friend this coming week. I know she will be surprised when I follow up on it. How easy it is to say, 'we should get together soon' when we both know it will never happen. Anyway, on the way home today I met a truck with a camper on it and across the front window of the camper in big bold letters was the word HOPE! I think Jesus was still laughing.


At the beginning of the year I told myself I was going to give myself a year off of stepping on the scale. Tired of defining myself by my weight I thought, "what the heck, let's give up on the scale for a year and just let it be". How do you spell denial? Oh, right, D E N I A L. Weighed myself this week and came up 15 pounds heavier. Before I did that I felt okay although my clothes were feeling a bit tight. But since I found out the truth I feel like I morphed into a whale overnight. God, I hate this struggle. Went to the darn fat store a few weeks ago and bought clothes and when they asked me if I wanted a membership I said no quite emphatically (smart women there didn't push it)....and in my head I told myself for the umpteenth time that I was never going to have to shop there again. Right.


"Baseball teaches us, or has taught most of us, how to deal with failure. We learn at a very young age that failure is the norm in baseball and precisely because we have failed, we hold in high regard those who fail less often - those who hit safely in one out of three chances and become star players. I also find it fascinating that baseball, alone in sport, considers errors to be part of the game, part of its rigorous truth. ~ Francis T. Vincent, Commissioner of BaseBall

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