Friday, July 15, 2005

Bags of Perspective

There is a gentle mist of much needed rain falling outside. It's one of those days that makes me feel all cuddly like a cat. Content and purring. It means I can rejoice, as the ground rejoices, for the rejuvenation of all creation (you and me included). It's one of those summer days that speaks of pjs and hot chocolate and rest. A day to give myself freedom to simply be.

Living in a house trailer that faces south has made me appreciate the reality of weather. When we lived in a house that was rarely affected by the sun or rain, I could sit on the couch and whine about the clouds and grey sky and feel justified in my dark mood. Today the grey of the sky seems like one big silver lining. Funny what a bit of perspective can do for a person. Doesn't it just make you long for more of that? Bags full of perspective to be given away? Some days I would reach for them and some days I would beat them to a pulp. Argh. Such is my humanity.

But this morning I was reminded of my recent conclusion to give myself a year without expectation (I know a lifetime would be the ideal but I'm not there yet). What would it look like to stop beating myself up for being who I am on the journey and cut myself some slack for where I am on the journey and simply let me be. Then I thought about extending that slack to others. Funny how my body itself almost clenched right up in panic mode and I thought how out of control that would make me feel. Delusions, dear girl, delusions. I am only in control of myself. Thank God, thank God, thank God.

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