I hope I never get over the surprise. I hope I never take it for granted and I hope I never assume that when it happens it somehow means I am 'better than.' I can take just about any gift given by God and preen. I am such a fickle and fallen human being. I can rest in that Truth. It's okay. Every time that I feel God (speaks) to my heart I am surprised. Every single time. Maybe because there is no rhyme or reason to it. No magic formula that makes it happen. It always feels like one of those shocks I used to practice in sixth grade - I would rub my feet really hard over the carpet in the school library and then reach out my finger to touch some unsuspecting soul. A jolt. I am sure there are times I nearly jump in the pew. I struggle with thinking who am I that He would speak to me? Jeepers just about deleted the previous sentence. When I do sense His word spoken into my heart I am most often reduced to tears.
Tonight at Mass I was kneeling and praying and as soon as I told God I was here, speak to me - the words, "Be Mine" came into my head. And with it came the picture of a rocky hillside. I thought to myself that the road ahead is hard and I shrunk a bit inside from it. A tiny footpath wound its way through the white rocks with Jesus ahead of me. When I stumbled and cried out He turned and held out His hand to me. A little while later the words "You are Mine" came into my head and I got the distinct impression that there is a difference between the two phrases. That yes, I am His but 'Being His' is my choice.