Saturday, December 11, 2004

The Urge to Delete

I don't know where the post about Ron came from. I started writing about pity pots originally and went off on the tangent about Ron. Part of me is scared that this blog will become nothing more than a lifelong pity party. The urge to delete my thoughts is huge. But I am determined to continue writing. To keep getting these thoughts out there until I am comfortable with myself.

It is a way of reaching out my hand.

Sharing my writing is a scary thing - there is this voice in my head that tells me it has to be polished and perfect(as if any writer thinks anything of theirs is perfect!) before it can be 'out there' and read by anyone else. So just having this blog and being content with progress not perfection is a huge step for me. Sooner or later I will get up enough courage to let more than just one or two people know I have the blog. Geez I hate it when I take this all so seriously. Relax my dear girl, relax.

1 comment:

bobbie said...

oh i hope you don't deleat it. your blog is your's. write what you need to write. i think it's important to get this stuff out.

i think of this stuff like rodents in my brain - writing sets them free, and they stop building nests in my brain. i know it's a weird metaphor, but it's really how it feels for me.

i think that setting this stuff free will allow you to keep the wonderful things ron gave you without it causing you guilt and shame every time you think of him. i think he'd prefer that, from what you've told of him he didn't ever want you to have baggage keep you from your recovery. this is part of it - you're giving him wings here, a gift really.

he will live on in your words.